Amorphia Apparel brand t-shirts: Funny and surreal shirts for my fellow nerds

Upload a picture of yourself wearing one of my fine shirts and get $5 off your next order!

T-Rex Drums

dinosaur

Carthage Must Be Destroyed

Roman History

I'm Not A Morning Person

sleepy slacker

I Regret Nothing

More colors and sizes (babies to 5XL) in the fantabulous customizer

Ah yes a silhouette of a raven with an empty word balloon floating above his lil' head. Obviously a reference to Edgar Allen Poe's story 'The Raven' — Quoth

edgar allan poe

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'The state of Ohio with the slogan 'Don't Mess With Texas' inside of it.' I have several theories as to what this is supposed to mean, send me a self addressed stamp envelope if you'd like to hear them — Don't Mess With Texas?

State of confusion

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A giant pterodactyl swooping down and lifting a car off the ground. This could happen to you at any place and any time — Fucking Pterodactyls

dinosaur

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A classic evolution diagram except that the final stage isn't modern man but instead a terrible robot! Implying we mere mortals will soon be obsolete. I for one am looking forward to not facing all the expectations and pressures that comes with being the dominant lifeform on the planet — Robot Evolution

geek chic

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Mad existentialist philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche perhaps best known for his proclamation God is dead. I don't know where we are flying but I bet there will be way more nudity then if Jesus was in the cockpit — Nietzsche is my Copilot

philosophy

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A cute and maybe a bit sassy mermaid sneaking an impossible smoke under the waves — Smoking Mermaid

surreal

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A pair of hands with 'Post' and 'Modern' written across the knuckles of their balled fists. This is totally deep, I'm sure — Post Modern Knuckles

POMO

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A down and out angel sitting on a curb with a bottle of beer dangling from his hand. I just thought it was a nice little combo — Drinking Angel

beer and heaven

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Does what it says on the tin: A Velociraptor Holding a Poptart.. — A Velociraptor Holding a Poptart

dinosaur

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Oh, Percy Shelly, best friend of the ironic — Look on my shirt ye mighty and despair!

literature

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A fake concert shirt for the rockingest all droid band this side of Tatooine — R2D2 and the Bad Motivators

star wars

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Green Apple is for communists. — Lime Skittles Or Death

skittles

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Make Nal Hutta great again! — Jabba The Trump

Donald the Hutt

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A love letter to my favorite bad movie of all time the life changing 'Robot Jox' — We Can Live...

Robot Jox

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An x-ray of a bunny revealing a most unexpected skeleton! — Rabbit Ears

surreal

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A young man swallowed by a whale does the only reasonable thing and tries to signal for help (connecting to the internet) via smoke.' — Send WiFi

internet

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A cute lil' brontosaurus who is apparently feeling a bit randy, tastefully censored to protect our delicate sensibilities — Dirty Dino

Dinosaur

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An anti-drug PSA from the world of Arrakis. If you thought those 'Faces of Meth' pics were bad you should see how those guild navigators look after a few years! — Spice - Not Even Once

dune

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Dark Energy is a mysterious hypothetical repulsive force throughout the universe, capable of powering any number of t-shirt puns — I Find Dark Energy Repulsive

physics

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A pair of hillbilly spacemen armed with guns and sloshing beers while protecting the flag we planted on the moon presumably from illegal Mexican space immigrants — Moon Militia

astronaut

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It's so much easier than buying multiple shirts for all of your favorite movies, shows, comic books, and video games — I Enjoy Consuming Media

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A dragonfly woodcut and a patent drawing of a rocket — Dragonfly Rocket

random

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Deuteronomy 23:12-14 - (12) Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. (13) As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. (14) For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you — God Is Tired Of Your Shit

bible fun

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A silhouette of some sad sack of a man floating in the air ironically hanging himself with a big happy batch of balloons. Ah despair how deliciously you juxtapose with mirth — Balloon Suicide

Dark Humor

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Just a t-shirt of some swamp gas — Weather Balloon

ufo conspiracy

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A person and a cow hugging with the cow thinking about love and the person thinking about how delicious the cow will be once grilled. A tad dark perhaps, but only if you suffer from empathy — Love and Steak

meat eater

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Be sure to thank my friend Matt for this one when you see him — I'm Open to Gropin'

sextrovert

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The perfect shirt for all those stalwart internet arguers who continue to fight the good fight despite the fact that there has never been a recorded case of someone actually changing their mind or admitting they were wrong as a result of a heated comment section discussion — The Flaming Keyboard of Justice

internet

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A design suggested by my friend Mariam, so if you see her you should probably go ahead an hit on her — I'm Awkward (Please Hit On Me)

introvert

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A guitar strapped Eve, tastefully obscured by strategically placed hair and leaves holding a freshly bitten apple of awesomeness — Eve Gave Rock and Roll to You

Rock and Roll

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Death and a young boy playing head to head portable video games, but nowadays it just looks like they are texting. Either way, billy's gonna live forever — Billy and Death

video game

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A silhouette of a man holding a rifle pointed down at his own shadow which is inexplicably doing the shadow equivalent of holding it hands in the air. What a paradox souffle'! — Shadow Hostage

surreal

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Thomas Edison the celebrated inventor was also quite the jerk, notorious for claiming other's work as his own which some people handwave with 'Edison might not have invented XXXXX, but he perfected it' — Edison Didn't Invent Being an Asshole

Science

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Mighty Sputnik, pride of the Soviets! Also a thing annoying people say on the internet — First Post!

Sputnik

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Man, oh man, I love me some of them Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster. The rest of their food might be sadness pulled from an oil tanker's bilge tank, but them biscuits... damn — Cheddar Fucking Biscuits

Red Lobster

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Some very pleased roaches watching the atomic bombs drop — Roach Celebration

nuclear war

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A cat stretching out an lazily dreaming the phrase 'If I was bigger, I'd eat you'. Who's the little pretty kitty dreaming about ripping my facey wacey off. You are! Yeah you are — If I was bigger I'd eat you

malicious cat

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My take on the melting Homer scene from the episode 'Brother from the Same Planet' (Season 4, Episode 14) — Melting Homer

Simpsons

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A dodo bird stamped with the title PWNED, accurate given how bad we fragged them while camping their spawn point — PWNED Dodo

hella dead bird

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Pumpkin Spice

Death Metal

Jasper exhumes himself from the icy Hades of the kwik-e-mart freezer and stumbles, filled with wonder into this brave new world... — Moon Pie (What a Time to be Alive)

simpsons

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A giant business man slapping away at biplanes from atop the empire state building a la King Kong — Dream Kong

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Don't you hate it when you are trying to throw a tri-Lambda rager, but none of the Omega Mu's are dancing? Have I got the solution for you... 'Hey Guys, Wonder Joints!' — Wonder Joint

Revenge of the Nerds

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Big word alert! Lets see what wikipedia has to say about things: 'Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant' — Pareidolia (the face on mars)

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It's true. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Come on, Jeff Bridges... I mean, right? — I Actually Rather Enjoyed R.I.P.D.

Bad Movie

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Nixon being all Nixon-y — Nixon Will Fuck You Up

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My t-shirt design secret revealed! — Generically Cynical

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A happy alien family at the space-zoo viewing a member of the human species in its natural habitat: plopped in a recliner watching TV — Natural Habitat

alien

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Jabba the Hutt's beautiful face smeared across a t-shirt — Jabba the Shirt

star wars

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A simple line graphic of a 35mm camera hanging from a neckstrap and positioned as if it being worn by the wearer of the shirt. My god quite the optical illusion — Camera

photography

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Two Moai head statues and a satellite dish. I just thought they have a nice sort of play off each other — Moai (All Ears)

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A pair of angels dropping water balloons off a cloud, gotta do something to keep yourself entertained for an eternity — Angel Pranks

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Nothing as topical as a throwaway joke from a failed fox cartoon sitcom from 1994. Amorphia-Apparel: we know obscure! — Cookie Puss, I Will Eat Your Soul

The Critic

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Two businessmen shaking hands. The twist' One's an angel and the other some sort of devil. This idea popped into my head while listening to Modest Mouse's 'Bankrupt on Selling' — Celestial Handshake

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A simple graphic of a bowling ball with the words 'I can bowl a 301' under it. 'But wait' you blurt out 'Isn't the maximum score in a round of bowling 300' That is tacitly impossible! Surely this person is engaging in exaggeration and hyperbole'!!! — I can bowl a 301

impossible sports

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Ms. Pac Man and Blinky having a romantic moment over a pottery wheel. Ghosts just get hot and bothered by Unchained Melody I guess — Ms. Pac-Man Romance

Video game

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A classic scene from the game Space Invaders but instead of alien attack ships to be blasted it's hearts. Take that romance!' — Heart Invaders

cynical romance

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I just watched Tremors 2 last night, so now this is a shirt — Earl's Ranch (TREMORS 2)

B-Movie

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Yeah not exactly a Percy Shelly joke but it'll do — God Watches You Poop

theology

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A lounging haloed figure slacking away up in heaven lazily tossing a paper airplane. I heard a lot about Heaven back when I went to Sunday school, and the one thing that always stuck with me was just how bloody dull it sounded. No boobs or violent video games? Ugh — Heaven is Boring

christianity

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One of those awesome bears that stand in the river and catch fish by simply standing over a little waterfall and opening their mouth then they wait for a salmon to just jump right on in — Swearing Salmon

nature

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Greetings Commrade! I grew up under Reagan and Commies were the big bad guys at the time. It was drilled into my noggin that I should fear them evil commies for they are devious and mighty, which only made them seem all the more impressive — Hammer and Sickle

communist

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Dabney Coleman's decapitated head apparently alive and well sitting in one of those Futurama style brain jars. Why' Because I believe our best and brightest stars need not burn out and plunge our world into darkness — Dabney Coleman's Head in a Jar

Absurdist

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A face down man sprawled on the ground dead his back riddled with arrows. Floating above him is an adorable cherub with his lil' hand over his mouth in the universal gesture of 'Oh Shit!' — Cupid Kills

Romance

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A hand turkey made by what by all accounts should be a grown man — Hand Turkey

childlike

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The Stuff

B-Movie

Inspired by the Guided by Voices song Jar of Cardinals — Bird Jar

guided by voices

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Inspired by the rip off crap toys they currently include in a box of Cracker Jacks — Free Toy

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You don't want to make this shirt a liar do you? — I bought this shirt on the internet!

very literal

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A deep sea fish luring lil' critters with a glowing heart shaped lantern — Heart Angler

depressing love

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A Picture of one of those old time classic style bombs. You know the kind where that is just a black sphere with a rope fuse sticking out of the top'. Also perhaps an oblique reference to the movie Mrs. Doubtfire — I Am Bomb

probably a bad idea

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A shirt dedicated to my favorite war criminal dreamboat: That hunka, hunka napalming love Henry Kissinger. Seen here putting to the test the axiom that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac — KISSinger

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Your tax dollars at work. I originally made this design for myself while attending art school free of charge thanks to ample government grants. I'm sure the founding fathers would be proud — Your Tax Dollars At Work

slacker

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An aero-plane shot betwixt the wings by some nefarious bowman and thus downed like 'twas naught but a game bird — Plane Hunt

surreal

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Yeeeee Hawwww! A dead cowboy's ghost fending off them god damned buzzards — Last Stand

ghost cowboy

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A jolly and proud looking dude holding a flag reaching to the heavens while stepping on some poor bastard's back. Yup yup pretty much says it all — History is Full of Dickholes

history

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A Flaming Bag of Dog Poo left before the pearly gates. Man whoever runs that heaven place is gonna be pissed! — Prank Heaven

christianity

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I just watched Demolition Man and this design fell out of me — Three Seashells

Demolition Man

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Oh pretty much what it looks like: Medusa the gorgon in a beauty contest — Miss Hades

mythology

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A giant praying mantis with a line of businessmen before it waiting for their chance to be cut down — Mantis Line

surreal

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Got a great idea? Throw me a request

Aaaaah! A giant Venus Fly Trap about to swallow up a gently drifting astronaut — Mission: Venus

astronaut

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A farmer leaning over his flock of chickens tossing them grain from a bucket. But what's this! One of the chickens has lifted its wings only to reveal a suicide bombers vest! — Insurgent Chicken

asymetric war

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A reference to my favorite line from the absurd and fantastic adult film 'Pirates' which cost over a million dollars to make, and has CG skeletons, magic, dongs and anything else you could hope for! — Tri-Masted Spanish Galleon

Pirates porno

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A kindly Octopus squirting a cloud of heart shaped ink — Octo-Love

octopus romace

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Wise old Professor Frankenstein PHD teaching his class the fundamentals of 'fire bad' — Professor Frankenstein

Monster

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A ghost apparently quite offended by the spectral stereotype perpetuated by a 'trick or treating' child — That's Ghostist!

Politically correct ghost

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Nixon in a gasmask. Basically that's how I view George W — Victory!

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I invented the moonwalk the title of a great little Guided by Voices ditty which I thought would make a fine boastful tee shirt — I Invented the Moonwalk

guided by voices

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Some sort of foppish British man standing and using a closed umbrella like a cane. Very classy in a mod sort of way. But above him is some sort of crazy satellite zapping a beam into his noggin — Brit Sat

surreal

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A pair of we lil' babes flying houseflies like kites. Disturbing and cute — Fly Kites

surreal

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An adorable little mouse with a human ear growing from it's back. A nod to that story a few years back about the scientists that had grown this exact little beastie — Ear Mouse

science gone mad

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A heart in a jar I'll leave the underlying message up to you to decide — Heart Jar

bitter romance

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A nod to the classic Sci-Fi mystery novel by Isaac Asimov The End of Eternity. If you absolutely, positively need to contact someone many centuries of the future, you gotta use an anachronistic A-Bomb Advertisement — All the Talk of the Market

Isaac Asimov

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A dinner place setting but instead of food I'm afraid it's a blooming heart on the menu. Oh me oh my! — Heart Meal

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An elephant being suspended in the air with a bunch of balloons. One of my more lighthearted and whimsical offerings — Floating Elephant

animal

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A photo realistic picture of my mechanical heart — Gear Heart

romance

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An alligator lounging about reading the morning paper and having a spot of coffee. This doesn't make sense to me either — Mornin' Gator!

alligator

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A silhouette of a dog with a kitty in his tummy which in turn has an upside down bird in its tummy. That's life pretty much — Circle of Life

Animal

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Oh just a pair of crossbones. As in the bottom half of a Skull and Crossbones. Now you can pretend your head is the mean nasty skull part! — Crossbones

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A WWI style biplane delivery it's most deadly of payloads: an angry tiger! Sure to sweep the trenches clean. Oh it's also the name of a great Guided by Voices EP — Tigerbomb

Guided by voices

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Check out my Bad Ass Women Of Science collection

Chicxulub is the name of the planet killing asteroid that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. I think it would make a better president then many of its predecessors — Chicxulub '08

Meteor Cataclysm

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The classic hooded Abu-Ghraib prisoner you know the guy standing on the box with the fashionable black cloak thing draped with Christmas decorations as if he were some kinda tree — Abu Ghraib Christmas

Iraq War

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A crafty illusion designed to fool the eye into thinking the wearer of this shirt is the recipient of many military honors. This shirt is 100% guaranteed to make every lady you see swoon — Chicks Dig Heroes

Military Medals

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A silhouette of a man head tossed back drinking a beer while riding a horse rearing up onto its hind legs a la the famous Andrew Jackson statue. A little tribute to Robert Pollard and his Monument Club — I'm a Fucking Monument

robert pollard

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Pretty much what the title says: a mushroom cloud — Mushroom Cloud

nuclear war

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Those way cool underwater mines floating upwards-like with the wee fishes swimming around them — Ocean Mines

military

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Two pugilistic ruffians engaging in bare knuckle fisticuffsmanship! Only there appears to be two weird little aliens driving them like some crazy machines, like some bizarre alien Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots! — Rock 'em Sock 'em Humans

surreal

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It's like some crazy cycle of life: Japanese auto worker builds compact car, car inevitably loses it license plate to the sea, shark eats license plate deriving all sorts of shark nutrients from its metallic goodness — Shark Vittles

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When talking about music my dad always liked to bring up an imaginary band named 'Seven Dead Garden Hoses' he invented, now its a shirt! — Seven Dead Garden Hoses

random

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The Statue of Liberty armed in crossing guard gear lifting her 'stop' sign to the heavens. Political commentary!!! — Stop Liberty

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A classic 'Cops and Robbers' style chase. Complete with cowboy looking sheriff thinly masked robber and even those money bags with the dollar sign on them. The twist' They are mounted on rocking horses. How ruthlessly absurd — Rocking Horse Chase

absurd

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The html closed bracket wrapped around the words 'this meme'. As in urging t-shirt designers to 'End This Meme' (by deploying it in this case). Yeah, dunno if this design really works, eh, can't win 'em all — This Meme

meta

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Inspired by the Guided by Voices song — Why Did You Land?

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Inspired by the Guided by Voices song of the same name — Wished I Was a Giant

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