FAQs or Something

Who are you?
Hi, my name is Jeremy Kalgreen. I live in Columbus Ohio. I'm a slacker, former art student, and general ne'er-do-well. I sometimes make stuff.
I live some place dumb, do you ship to it, and how much does it cost?
We ship a whole lotta places, even the dumb ones, and for many different costs, some quite affordable, and others fit only for saudi princes. Jump on over to the shipping page for a full rundown.
I'm fickle, what is your return policy?
As it so happens my fulfillment company, Spreadshirt's, return policy is pretty great. If you don't like your shirt for whatever reason you can return in within 30 days for a full refund, or exchange, so long as it wasn't something you created yourself in the customizer. Read the full details here.
Where are your bloody size charts?! *waves gun threateningly* I mean it, show me where the size charts are or I start shooting hostages!
Woah, woah buddy, calm down. Don't do anything you'll regret, we've got your non-sequential unmarked size charts, don't worry. Each individual product has a size chart chart at the bottom, but you need to click on a design, then a specific product to see it.
I'm a portly gent, and I seek a more accommodating garment. Might you stock sizes appropriate for a person of my carriage?
I hear you buddy, I'm like 6'4" and built like a box of cupcakes. We do however have some 3XL and 5XL shirts squirreled away, the trick is you gotta use our custom designer to get at 'em. From there just click Choose Product > Men's (or women's) > Big & Tall, and voila!
My slavish devotion to you compells me to seek out every new shirt you post. Is there any way to keep notified of your new offerings?
Sure! The best way is to subscribe to my new design mailing list. But also facebook and twitter would work in a pinch.
Everything is broken. Halp.
If you see something buggy I'd really appreciate it if you could drop me a line, I promise to dedicate myself to solving your problem even at great cost to my personal relationships and physical well being.
I tried to make something in the designer, but the price was like $999,999. That's a bit to high for my budget, can you recommend the best crime to commit to earn the money I need to buy your amazing shirts?
Interstate wire fraud.
Cool, thanks. Just out of curiosity, why is the shirt priced at $999,999 in the first place?
Oh, that's a bug. To the best of my knowledge it happens when my fulfillment company is out of stock or has discontinued a product, but for some reason it still appears in their customizer software. When that happens it appears absurdly overpriced to prevent people from accidentally ordering something out of stock. Not sure if its ever gonna get fixed.
So are you gonna make a crap load of money off running an online shirt store?
Oh, who knows. My dream is to one day be hanging out somewhere and see some stranger walk in wearing a shirt of my design. Help make my dream come true, you know, so I have something to tell my grandcats.
Can I e-mail you to inform you of fantastic advances in penis creams and low rate mortgages?
Can I e-mail you to shower you in praise and grovel at your feet?
Of course.
Can you draw me a hand turkey?
Well... OK.